人本主义心理学之父卡尔·罗杰斯说“关系”

Peer Coaching

哈佛大学公开课《领袖心理学》第 4 课，Tal 教授在探讨分组伙伴间的 “Peer Coaching”（同侪教练）时，引用了美国人本主义心理学家卡尔·罗杰斯的两段话，以说明 “无条件接纳” 是什么以及无条件接纳和无条件积极关注能在一段关系中发挥怎样的作用，对领导力的培养和人际关系又有着何种重要的意义。很喜欢这两段话，中文自己按照理解有些过度翻译，也分享下原文：

准许他人为人（让他们做自己）

在关系中让他人做自己

我发现我越是能接纳某个人，越是对某个人有好感时，我就越可能与他建立可靠的关系。我所说的 “接纳” 是指温暖地关注这个人并将他视作 “有绝对价值的人”，不管他处在什么样的情形下，不管他做出什么样的行为，不管他彼时感受如何。这意味着把他作为一个独立的个体来尊重和喜欢，愿意让他以自己的方式表达自己真实的感受。意味着接纳和关心他在每时每刻的态度，无论多麽消极或积极，无论他此时的态度和他以前的态度是否有矛盾。接纳这个人情绪或态度会有波动的一面，可以在关系中为他创造一个安全而温暖的空间，让他感受到自己是一个被喜爱和被珍视的人，这对一段有助益的关系来说至关重要。

——卡尔·罗杰斯

I find that the more acceptance and liking I feel toward this individual, the more I will be creating a relationship which he can use. By acceptance I mean a warm regard for him as a person of unconditional self-worth — of value no matter what his condition, his behavior, or his feelings. It means a respect and liking for him as a separate person, a willingness for him to possess his own feelings in his own way. It means an acceptance of and regard for his attitudes of the moment no matter how negative or positive, no matter how much they may contradict other attitudes he has held in the past. This acceptance of each fluctuating aspect of this other person makes it for him a relationship of warmth and safety, and the safety of being liked and prized as a person seems highly important element in a helping relationship.

——Carl Rogers

准许自己为人（一段健康关系）

在关系中做自己

如果我能以自己的方式去创造一种真诚而透明的关系，在这段关系中，我可以真实地表达和感受自己的感受。并且把对方当作一个独立的个体，以温暖的方式去接纳他、喜欢他，凭着敏感的感知力去通过他的眼睛来看待他的世界和他自己。那么，在这段关系中的另一个人，就能够去体验和理解之前被自己压抑的方面，能够变得更好更完善，能够呈现自己最好的一面，会更接近自己想要成为的人，会变得更有主见更自信，会变得更具有人性，更独特，更善于表达自己，将能更妥善和轻松地应对生活中的问题。

——卡尔·罗杰斯

If I can create a relationship characterized on my part; by a genuineness and transparency, in which I am my real feelings; by a warm acceptance of and liking for the other person as a separate individual; by a sensitive ability to see his world and himself as he seems them; then the other individual in the relationship will experience and understand aspect of himself which previously he has repressed; will find himself becoming better integrated, more able to function effectively; will become more similar to the person he would like to be; will be more self-directing and self-confident; will become more of a person, more unique and more self-expressive; will be able to cope with the problems of life more adequately and comfortably.

——Carl Rogers

无条件接纳在领导力培养、人际交往和个人发展的进程中都像提供基础的土壤，而欣赏式探询则像指明方向的阳光。返回搜狐，查看更多